Recently I have been going through a sort of "identity crisis" pertaining to my teaching and what effect it has on my students and my ability to "keep my head in it" as I teach. This has been playing pretty heavy on me over the last few weeks and so, in an effort to better understand what I was going through, I went to the one person I know I can trust to give me a straight answer...my Sensei, Shihan Matt Thomas.
I explained to him how I was feeling, inadequate, unappreciated, burned out, etc., and that I was thinking about taking a break from teaching, actually thinking about closing my doors, and just concentrate on my own training, my upcoming tests, my blog and web site, helping in developing and teaching the material of the ISK Kempo International under Shihan's tutelage, and many things beyond. I definitely have a full plate but one fact remains...I love to teach and that doing the above mentioned tasks, however necessary for me to advance in my training and life, seems very selfish.
As always, Shihan gave me the right advice at the right time. With his permission, I would like to relate to you some of what he passed along to me.
"The feelings that you are going through with your studio is exactly what I, and I presume most, go through with their school. I had to chuckle a little because it was exactly how I felt when I was a few years into my school. Sometimes, as martial arts instructors, we feel a little more important in our students lives than we really are. I had to learn that even though they were the most important people in my life (I taught for a living, not as a side job), they did not always see Karate (a hobby) as the most important in theirs. To kids (more so parents), Karate is just another thing to drop the kid off to. It's like baseball or ballet. For example, let's say I have a student named Johnny. I only have one Johnny, and I love having him in class. Johnny, however, has me at 5:00 pm, the baseball coach on weekends, his sister's dance class that he has to sit through on Fridays, teachers at school that sit with him for 6 hours a day, mom, dad, his babysitter...etc. My point is, we as karate instructors are playing a role in the kids lives just like all of the other adults. Also, most kids won't practice at home because they are in the learning phase and they have so many things to do and learn in the day, that the kids just want to go home and be a kid. I didn't force my kid students to practice at home because I wanted them to enjoy coming to karate, not to see it as a chore.
We play a role in the students lives. They come to us for a reason. My students were there because they enjoyed coming to me and got whatever "they" wanted out of it...not what I wanted for them to get out of it. They come to you because you fill a need in their lives.
Teach your students, love your students...but don't be surprised if they don't love you back the way we expect them to. We play a role in their lives, and if we weren't doing our job, then they wouldn't be there. We can't produce all Bruce Lee's. But maybe, just maybe, out of our hundreds of students, we will get one or two that will be just like us. We all want the best, hardcore students, and get frustrated with the others. Anyone can teach the hard cores...give me the others and let me see what I can do with them."
These words put everything back into perspective for me. Sometimes we, as Black Belts, parents, teachers, etc., feel we know what is best for the people we interact with or teach and for situations we put ourselves in. Most times we make emotional decisions about how to proceed and end up regretting those decisions because we remove ourselves from and lose the very things we love the most. We do what we do because 1.) we HAVE to do it or 2.) ...and this is what I hold on to...we love what it is we are doing. I cannot think of anything better than being allowed to pass along knowledge to those who are thirsty for learning.
As for me, I am a parent, a student, a teacher, a friend, a companion...I am a Martial Artist...and I am proud to be all of those things and will continue, to the best of my ability, to spread good will and understanding through my teachings.
Thank you Shihan for allowing me, through your words, to step back and take a good look at and reevaluate myself. It is greatly appreciated.
Until next time,
Sensei Tim
